Tag Archives: past

Cry my heart out- playlist

These are two songs on my “cry my heart out” playlist. Sometimes I just need to be by myself, close the door, turn up the stereo and just cry my heart out. Crying for all the things I never got to be sad about when they were happening to me. I think during those years I just shut everything out, in order to survive I just didn’t do feelings. I think that was me surviving, me entering survival mode, my only focus was to get through it.

Some days, I can be as happy as it is possible to be and from nowhere this sadness fills every piece of me, it even aches in my bones. I think that it is all those feelings I couldn’t deal with back then, I have accepted that it is ok to feel now and with the life I have today I can handle it and get through it. I think the only way to put it behind me is for me to let it out and tear by tear heal.

Join me in healing, not forgetting but accepting by listening to my songs and send me a thought of strength.

I never had any one to talk when this happened, please feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to. Without others, life is unneccessary hard.

 

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im fucking pissed off!

Mornings like today I can tell that I have all this anger inside of me that needs to come out. I wake up and from the moment I leave my bed everything annoys me and I want to cry and scream. I try to make myself ready for work but when im putting on makeup I want to break the mirror because all I see is ugliness, when I try to decide outfit I feel obese and the trousers that fitted just fine yesterday won’t go above my knees. I know it is all in my head but it doesn’t help. The anger inside builds up and the angrier I get over nothing the more starts to go wrong. Breathing and trying to just be ok with how I feel is all I can do but it sucks. It is hard to explain but you know those mornings when you spill your coffee, drop your mascara on your white new t-shirt, cant find the keys etc? If you are in a good place it is ok, you get annoyed but you dont bother that much. I go bananas! I scream at the mirror, throw the pants, kick the wardrobe and that is not normal behaviour. The difference now compared to a few years ago is that I know why I feel so much anger but I still havent found a way to deal with it. Good thing is that people around me have much more patience with me ans understanding since I told them, before they would just think I am a complete idiot and tell me to get it together. I need to find a way to bit by bit let my anger out.

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