Monthly Archives: February 2013

I wish you were raped

My attorney texted me yesterday telling me all charges against him would be dropped due to lack of evidence. My story was not enough. He had denied. The prosecutor had decided that there was nothing in the case that supported the accusation of sex with a minor. I want to be angry but all I feel is empty, disbelieved and dirty. I feel like there is nothing more to life because what he did to me has fucked my entire life up. I screw up every relation I have, he stole my right to be a kid and a teenager and it effects everything every fucking day!

How will I get my life back?

I keep surfing for motivational quotes, it sais “never never never give up”, “you never know how strong you are until you had to be” and “if the storm doesnt kill you it will make you stronger”. My storm has lasted for more than half of my life, it isnt blowing any less and it definately feels like it is breaking me apart and not building me up.

I know I will never give up, beacuse if I was to give up I would have done it years ago. I am just so fed up with this, when will it end? When will I get my life back? 

I texted my family, best friends and boyfriend the news yesterday. I couldnt talk to them, it would like be that hug that you cant accept when your on the verge of breaking down and it would push me over the edge. I know I would fall and hit ground so hard that all scars holding my wounds together would break.

I dont know where to go from here or what to do. I feel trapped. I feel let down. I feel worse than I have for a very long time. Worst of all I feel ashamed that this is my story and for that I hate him.

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