This blog is about me telling my story and me living through it. So far it has been about all the rough spots, the hard times, the “I can’t breathe” moments. My writing is a surviving and putting it behind me strategy, I write whatever that comes to mind, I write whatever my fingers put together on the keyboard. The posts write them self most of the times, I don’t plan what I want to write, I write exactly how I feel in that exact moment. That is how I make the moments bearable and a tiny bit easier to live through.
Today I want to capture, for me a rather rare moment, a moment of feeling good about myself and a day of smiles without reasons. Yesterday I heard myself saying, “I deserve to be loved for who I am and I deserve to live my life without pretending to be who I am not just in order to hide what I am scared of showing. I deserve to be loved even though my history differs from most people’s”. I think that this is the first sign of me falling in love. Falling in love with myself. I am worth loving and if I can’t love me, no others can either. So I welcome the feeling of love, maybe I can for the first time in my life experience how life is when I love and appreciate who I am?
I texted my friend on my way to work this morning. I wrote;
“My hair is dirty, I am wearing a dress and a pink dress jacket to work and I look like shit but still feeling fabulous. What is wrong with me?”
“I think you are what normal people would call happy!”
So there it was, I could even though I didnt have the best hairday feel absolutely amazing. I guess that is how you feel when you know you got it even when you look like shit. Looks is just looks, the inside thats the shit!